Score: 10

"pretty damn good"

submission: Dark Cut 3

date: November 15, 2008

I'm going to remember this.

Brilliant ending. Great sound [sound+music, series-wide], I voted/downloaded a few. :)

I had zero luck on the "Easter Egg" objective, but I DID get the "misdirected at critical moment by armorgames advertisement on the edge of screen" award. LOL. I'd like to perform some surgery on their design... But enough funny; thanks for giving a soul to a genre I've never before found intriguing despite a long, near-obsessive interest with health and medicine. [Actually, "enough funny!" adequately describes Dark Cut One -- but it was stil captivating!]

Score: 10

"You crazy button-mashers..."

submission: Absalom RPG (Flash 5)

date: November 15, 2008

You crazy button-mashers can quit urinating on this game now. Six years, no update!

Too bad, in my opinion, because this series [I just played through them all over the last couple days, I'm leaving my total thoughts here] had hilarious and intelligent dialogue, and a brilliantly original and interesting combat system.

Yeah, the first time, I took one look at it, exclaimed "WTF?!" and closed it. [That was back before I was on my mental meds, by the way.] If anyone's actually reading the reviews to see if the game is worth playing -- you have to give this game a chance. If giving games chances doesn't seem like a good idea to you, by all means go away, and blow a load of anger on something like Dad n' Me [i love thta one].

One last note -- I LIKE the graphics of the Absalom series, including the final un-chapter. They're simple yet really set the mood well, and they aren't distracting to either the player [no complaints of "where am I, dammit?!"] or the author [in terms of cost in production time, unless you count the marvelous QUANTITY of different poses and icons in Absalom Dungeon].

Score: 10

"Thank you very much."

submission: Dog Of Man

date: November 15, 2008

This REALLY needed a five-hundred and fifty-fourth review -- we can stop now I think...?

But I agree with Lemonzzz pretty much entirely; "That was gross and pointless [nah!], and why the hell did he want a tumor???".

Also, I feel that I understand this one. I've been there. No, I wouldn't explain it even if I could. :P

Score: 10

"whoa"

submission: :the game:

date: November 12, 2008

It makes me sorry I wasted so many other 10/5's.

It would have been better if I caught all the references to that ... big round... thing. You know... They say we live on it...?

Score: 8

"Cliff? No. More like Olympus Mons"

submission: Warzone Tower Defense

date: October 29, 2008

I hate to give this an eight, but that's still high. I got bored with this game after the second try (60K score, first map).

It's really, truly possible to flatten those first few bosses. Build your guns and walls in a way that makes the things run past them more than once. More is better.

However, the difficulty still ramps up in a serious way. By the time I got croaked, the bombs and even nukes weren't worth a sock full of poop -- and I didn't even make it to the high scores.

I would have played the other maps, but since I knew they would be over even more quickly than the first, I decided to move along.

Oh, also the guns, uh, nice variety, I LIKE choices. But they need something. Something about air I think.

Score: 10

"That one really WAS awesome."

submission: Rage3!

date: October 29, 2008

MOAR!

How to level: Find a boss [level 2, maybe 4]. Kill it and run straight off a cliff ASAP. Even faster: Play Arcade Mode.

Adventure Mode was great. Arcade 1 was boring. from the two minutes of it I saw. I won't be seeing Arcade Mode 2, because this game does not autosave, even if you're level 10. :(

Score: 8

"Lmao."

submission: Sewer Slide Fury

date: October 11, 2008

"Sewer Slide Fury." I knew I've love it just from the name. I liked the music, it really got me in the sewage slidin' mood, but it DOES have an off button, folks.

It took me a while to get used to the controls, they aren't very exact, but the first time I made it past the first trash pile, I got a good ways into it. My hand hurt eventually, and I crashed at 6k score. Yay!

I've seen big games that take ten times as long just to let you access their combat system, which more often than not reeks worse than this sewer ever could.

Conclusion: I'm not feeling let down at all. That was funny.

Score: 2

"Why why why"

submission: Boxhead The Zombie Wars

date: October 11, 2008

If given a quick description of this Boxhead game, I'd have been ecstatic. "Yes that's EXACTLY what the series needs! WOOOOO!"

No. No no no... I don't even know where to begin. Sorry. To put it simply and cover only one issue, nothing you have time to possibly contemplate changes your fate for an extra minute's worth of frantic, strategy deficient, completely hopeless, clenched-teeth struggling.

Or maybe all the rest of you are playing a totally different game. #@$! it, whatever.

Score: 10

"Ha!"

submission: The First Day

date: October 7, 2008

Not very funny. Still funny. I refuse to not take this flash seriously! I AM ... A REVOLUTIONARY!

This is not someone saying "The Columbine shooting was funnay! Haw haw!" It's a missile hitting a school of stick figures in a ten second toon movie. OBTAIN REALISM, REVIEWERS.

The public school system, at least where I'm familiar with it, is a colossal lie and a waste of the first third of life. It should be destroyed forcefully and remorselessly [through legal methods, assholes -- if a flash vid's ever killed someone, I'd like to see it], and those supporting its perpetuation should be jailed. At the least.

I'm a proud drop-out with a high I.Q. Anyone annoyed by opinions like this can ingest my undergarments, which would hopegully lodge somewhere in the small intestine. BTW, I'm mad as hell when I hear about school shootings, because they only make REAL education solutions more difficult to gain acceptance.

Anyway I laughed, I'm putting you in my faves, keep it up please.

Score: 10

"moar"

submission: A Lame Thing III

date: October 7, 2008

oh hey did you know the graphics aren't perfectly immaculately realistic? didyaknow? didyaknow?

I laughed.

[also at "good on you"]